Friday, January 11, 2008

Don't Feed The Zombies

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Probably the biggest source of zombie nourishment comes from television. People leave it on all day long, even if they aren't watching it. It sits there and broadcasts an endless stream of mindless brain-numbing programs into their homes and expediates the spread of the Zombie Virus. If a person is already a zombie, these shows feed them with more emptiness for their hollow souls to devour.

The types of television shows that contain the highest amounts of traceable Zombie Virus are these so-called "Reality Shows". Come on...do we still need Scott Baio in the year 2008? Exactly what are they trying to describe when they use the word "reality"?There is probably no word in the English language that could have failed so hard to describe these hour long slabs of sleaze. If I want reality, I'll open my mailbox and look at the daily flood of bills that accumulate in there. Reality has nothing to do with Flavor Flav trying to bump uglies with women that ordinarily wouldn't spit on him if he was fire...and he attempts to pull off this Ghetto Romeo act while wearing a Viking helmet. These types of shows turn people into zombies faster than anything George Romero could ever dream of.

The main supplier of this dredge is VH1. That station is like McDonald's to your average American zombie. I used to applaude the Big V for continuing to show music videos after MTV forgot what the M stood for in their name. These days, VH1 is a graveyard for careers that have been stretched a decade too long. The Joe Blow's and Jane Doe's that appear next to these fading stars on the Has-Been Circuit end up forging their own brand of celebrity status. They are ritually awarded by the producers of said shows for helping propagate the spread of the Zombie Virus. This cycle continues until the outbreak has totally wiped out the entire free world and there are no more independent thinkers roaming about. Fortunately, you guys have me on your side (insert smiley emoticon here).

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